We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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