there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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