I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize