hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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