don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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