During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
tell me about the fingering
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
