I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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