and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
