So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
