never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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