Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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