Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
