Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
