I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
