i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize