...so i touched it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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