The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
