Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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