Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
