i just had sex bonerless
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
