Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
