This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
