I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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