No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
