i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
