I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
