If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
