I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
