I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
