I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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