we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
