he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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