This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
BRING THE BAGELS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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