sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
