she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
