she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
