You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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