Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize