I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
