the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
