The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
