I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This baby is an asshole
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
