I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
