ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize