There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Betty ford says i'm here all night
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
