I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
