It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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