I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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