I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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