my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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