His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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