i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
