Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
organizing the empties. That sober.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
