hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
