oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
