my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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