Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
