oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
