Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
