even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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