Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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